Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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