you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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