3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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