In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
