I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
