Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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