I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
