This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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