im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
