you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
