Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
