jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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