im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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