They should really pass out barf bags in church
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
