Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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