yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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