she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize