Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
