It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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