dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
