When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
