I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
