I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
