I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
