allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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