mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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