Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize