You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
