Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
