i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
