Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
