So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
