My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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