Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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