he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize