I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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