My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
