The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
