I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
