I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize