There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize