The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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