And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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