genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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