I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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