I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
