dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
