I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
