he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize