My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
