you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
