I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
