Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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