I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
