you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
