she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You left your phone here
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