how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
