i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I could make wine with my vomit
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize