1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
