im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
