sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
