Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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