Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
