please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
