My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
