we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
