I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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