remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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