3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
