soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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