I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize