I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
