remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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