Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Semen is not good for contacts.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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